You & Me

It seems like a thousand lifetimes since I sat down in front of this screen to write.  It also feels like yesterday.  Isn’t that how life goes?  It fleets and it flies, it lingers and dawdles.  Always in tension.  I need to tell you… I’ve missed you, friend.  I miss the words I leave; the ones you take.  I miss you responding in authentic rawness, reciprocating all the feelings I just spewed.  I also miss your silence; knowing you read, because you told me so, but you didn’t resonate and so you remained silent, so as not to rustle my insecure feathers.  I miss you extra, friend.  I like your compliance to the unspoken rules of the “let there be peace even when I think you’re insane” club.  Thanks for that.  I want to tell you things.  I want to sit with you over fifty-four mugs of coffee (only the cute mugs) so that we truly get one another.  I’m pretty sure if you’ve journeyed with me this far, you get me a little, but I want to get you, too.  Are we similar?  Are we opposites?  Are we Anne of Green Gables style bosom friends and kindred spirits?  If so, how can we be best friends asap?  No matter where you and I fall on the <friends of life> spectrum, I want to tell you things.  Let me start here…and then you respond and tell me about your current state, capiche? (If you speak “Uncle Jesse”, we are bosom friends already.)

This year has been for growing and exploring, and for understanding who I do and do not want to be.  Because I am a list-making fool, here ya go:

To be:

  • g e n u i n e : do this loudly.  Do it in spite of the people who may think your genuineness is equivalent to stupidity or weakness.  Just be you.
  • Lovely: be pleasant.  Because there’s no reason not to be.  People deserve kindness.  They crave it.  Feed the people loveliness.
  • Mama: the bear cubs need me to be this.  Even on the days when I don’t feel it.  Even on the days when I want to runaway.  Just keep pouring the milk, handing the snacks, kissing the wounds.  Even though it’s the most nauseating cliché, I will miss these days.  Be the mama.
  • Daughter of the one, true, living God: this is the cry of my heart.  The thing that my bones proclaim when my heart attempts to fail.  I am His.  For all of time, I am His.  Hallelujah, amen.

Not to be:

  • Someone else: on the days when I don’t like me, this is oh-so-tempting.  But I am me, and you are you, and if we tried to be one another, the world would be confused and fickle.
  • The worst version of me: to avoid this requires stillness and surrender, prayer and wisdom.  Left alone, I am scary, y’all.  I need a whole lot of Jesus and a lot less of Jo.
  • Weird: dear Jesus, let me never be the ignorant, arrogant, unrelatable follower of You that people run from.  Aaaaaah.  Amen.
  • Lazy:    Less lazy:  doable.

Friend, I sincerely like you.  I hope that your “to be” and “not to be” lists at least include the word genuine.  If so, we are bosom friends.  Here’s to longing for authenticity, and for finding our places in this great big, miniature world.  (And for writing blog posts once ever four months…ahem.)

xo.

jo.

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And here’s to the Dr. Seuss-ish flowers who narrowly missed being tossed with the rest of the crumpled, rotten bouquet.  All they needed was for their dehydrated leaves to be plucked and they’re ready for round two.  They speak so fiercely to my heart today.
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6 Comments

  1. Hi! My list would also include genuine, so… *group hug!!!* I also appreciate that your list included “mama.” Because it’s who we are and what we do, but some days require more intentional leaning into that task with joy than others. Today has been on of those days where I would rather check out, so I need to tell myself to “engage!” every so often. 😉 Also, the flowers are super. I think that if they were in my house, I would be inspired to do something weird and brave every day. 😀 Thanks for these life-giving words!

  2. first of all, i’ve never seen the word capiche written out before. made me smile. it’s going on the LITTLE things today. secondly, list making fool, i am your bosom list making fool buddy. get a plum planner. your life will be changed. as for what i want to be? well i tell my kids regularly “to be kind, and have courage.” {yep, straight out of the mouth of cinderella. she totally nailed it.} so since i tell my kids that, i think that’s what i would like to strive for always. to be kind. and have courage. both with the help of Jesus. and i would like not to be in a rush. love love love your list. really made me think. wish we lived closer.

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